A second of inattention
by Lysore
Summary: Sometimes, shock and indecision can have unexpected results. Choosing ceremony!AU [oneshot]


**Notes:**

 _The original works are not mine, never were, never will be. This is done purely for my own enjoyment, and yours too, should you happen to like what will follow. More specifically: some passages have been taken/paraphrased directly from the movie. Those passages are obviously even less mine._

 _On the other hand, since there is no beta, I can lay claim to all the mistakes present in the text !_

* * *

"Caleb Prior."

Caleb holds my eyes for a few seconds before standing up. As I watch him walk toward Marcus, I reassure myself with the certainty he will choose Abnegation. It will be alright. He will be in his rightful Faction and I will be free to choose my own. I know where I want to spend my life. My eyes stray longingly towards the Dauntless section the auditorium before going back to my brother's back. He is stepping on the platform and accepting his knife. I glance towards the black and red portion of the room again. The Dauntless have always fascinated me. But right now, it is my brother's moment and I ought to look at him. I focus back on him just in time to see him extend a hand over one of the bowls. His back is to me and his position prevents me from seeing which one but it can only be Abnegation's.

"Erudite."

I freeze and everyone around me seems to do the same. For a few seconds, the room is suspended in time. Suddenly, the room explodes in a flurry of movement and noise while I stay unmoving and silent. I don't even know if I am breathing but right now, it doesn't seem to be so important because thing weren't supposed to unfold like that. The sounds all around me become muffled, as if I were underwater. Caleb left Abnegation. He wanted to leave so much he transferred. Am I so self-centred it blinded me? Am I so arrogant, so confident in my own judgment I discarded the signs that didn't conform to my wishes?

Something is nudging at my thigh. It's my mother's hand. She nods toward Marcus. He must have called my name. It can't be my turn, not now, not when everything has changed. But it is and I stumble as I start my descent toward the stage on uncertain legs.

My breathing is too loud in my ears, too fast. Colourful drops of light start to dance in front of my eyes. I try to breath in time with my steps. After a few times, the room comes back into focus and so does a realization: Caleb took my choice away from me. My parents can lose a child, yes. But not two. For once, it's not my brother's selflessness I resent but simply that he got to choose first and seized that opportunity. He applied his advice from yesterday to himself and made abstraction of our family while choosing. If the names had been called in alphabetical order, everything would be different now. But the list is read in reverse order so choosing Abnegation befalls to me in his stead.

Before I know it, the knife is in my hand. When did I take it? It doesn't matter. I don't even feel an ounce of pain as I drag it across my palm and see the blood well inside the cut.

I extend a trembling hand above the smooth grey stones. The fumes emanating from the bowl on my left dance at the periphery of my vision and catch my eyes. The incandescent embers they arise from glow yellow, orange, and red, bright hues that contrast with the black of the colder parts of the coals. I wish with all my heart I could leave behind me this grey world that has been my life until now. I wish I could become a coal, light myself on fire and garb myself in black with hints of burning red.

This is my final choice. I hope my parents will understand. I thought I could choose Abnegation for them but it is beyond me. I am selfish. I am brave. I am Dauntless.

I start to move my hand in the direction of the heat and fumes.

"Abnegation."

My head whips back towards Abnegation's bowl and I can only stare, horrified, at the traitorous drop of blood that had already fallen on the grey stones.

My true decision had come too late.

* * *

 _Thoughts?_


End file.
